I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
