Plan B is the new Plan A
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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