dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
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There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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