He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
