they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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