the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
there is glitter all over my balls
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
