I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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