Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
