I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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