I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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