we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
