How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
