If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
