Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
