I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
