so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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