he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
