Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
