i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
