Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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