Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
