$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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