WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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