I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
