So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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