the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
