Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
