haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
