Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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