I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
porn star boner night. come get it.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
