His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
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I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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