Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
