i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
