Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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