I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
