Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
