I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
