Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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