I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My penis needs a shock collar
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
