I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
