It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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