I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
