textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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