We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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