Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
