I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
