No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
