I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
