so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
