It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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