Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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