i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
