Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
