no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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