I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
