a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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