My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
