"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
