This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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