put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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